Waiting...
A sneaky comment. A venomous remark. A biting retort, or an outburst of fury over a simple misunderstanding. The thoughtless use of anger mixed with ill-chosen words to lash out, stings and burns long after the moment is gone.
But what can hurt more than silence? What is more torturing than the lover who left without a word? The dress that was left uncomplimented? The job that never called back? Which remark burns and scorches more than the words of a friend that were never spoken? What causes more longing than the unheard reply to a message sent out into the apparent abyss.
Often I think it is not the direct remarks of those who wish us ill which hurt us the most, but rather that drawing out of the words we wish to be spoken, but never are, which cause us to doubt, and make up excuses, and eventually lose faith in the person we once trusted ourselves to be. Because why would those other people ever deliberately cause us so much pain? Why would they not give us what we need? What we deserve? Or what we long for? And we convince ourselves then, that we must be wrong and impatient, and expecting far more than is reasonable from anyone outside ourselves to ever do for us. So we shut our own feelings away, and wait for those people to prove us wrong.
And when they finally don't, what more do we have left, than the shell of our bodies where our former selves once lived. We have chased away our characters, we have banished that spirit - that energy - which made us ourselves, and now not even the belief that another human being cares for us, is alight anymore. We are once more just alone, with the knowledge that once upon a time, we might have been right, but then we let ourselves down, and trusted an unfamiliar hand.
Perhaps then, it is wrong to put so much more trust in another persons hands, than in the feelings of our own hearts. Perhaps, we should learn to become one with our own voices, and the rythms which beat because of our own needs, and perhaps, it should now be up to us, to fulfill that call which arises from within us all!
So, forget the job that never called back - and find something that will make you greater! Say goodbye to the lover who walked away and never even tried to come back, and invest your love for yourself in a new path, in different direction. Trust your own sense of style: cut your hair; dye it red; wear whatever you feel best illuminates your eyes, and your soul. And never settle for the pettiness that a stranger offers you, when you know in your heart that you are more!
But what can hurt more than silence? What is more torturing than the lover who left without a word? The dress that was left uncomplimented? The job that never called back? Which remark burns and scorches more than the words of a friend that were never spoken? What causes more longing than the unheard reply to a message sent out into the apparent abyss.
Often I think it is not the direct remarks of those who wish us ill which hurt us the most, but rather that drawing out of the words we wish to be spoken, but never are, which cause us to doubt, and make up excuses, and eventually lose faith in the person we once trusted ourselves to be. Because why would those other people ever deliberately cause us so much pain? Why would they not give us what we need? What we deserve? Or what we long for? And we convince ourselves then, that we must be wrong and impatient, and expecting far more than is reasonable from anyone outside ourselves to ever do for us. So we shut our own feelings away, and wait for those people to prove us wrong.
And when they finally don't, what more do we have left, than the shell of our bodies where our former selves once lived. We have chased away our characters, we have banished that spirit - that energy - which made us ourselves, and now not even the belief that another human being cares for us, is alight anymore. We are once more just alone, with the knowledge that once upon a time, we might have been right, but then we let ourselves down, and trusted an unfamiliar hand.
Perhaps then, it is wrong to put so much more trust in another persons hands, than in the feelings of our own hearts. Perhaps, we should learn to become one with our own voices, and the rythms which beat because of our own needs, and perhaps, it should now be up to us, to fulfill that call which arises from within us all!
So, forget the job that never called back - and find something that will make you greater! Say goodbye to the lover who walked away and never even tried to come back, and invest your love for yourself in a new path, in different direction. Trust your own sense of style: cut your hair; dye it red; wear whatever you feel best illuminates your eyes, and your soul. And never settle for the pettiness that a stranger offers you, when you know in your heart that you are more!
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